One Fan's View: Team full of "Wanabes" and "Hacks"

by Kevin Shenoy

It is official. The Bills’ stretch of awfulness has ceased to be funny. There are no more metaphors of what the Bills are like. There are no more movies to quote. This “team” consists of a bunch of “hacks” pretending to “want” to “play” football for a town that deserves better. I do not have a single joke or humorous thing to say. Thank you, 2009 Buffalo Bills. You did what I secretly had wondered about for the last two years. “Will I get sick of the ineptness and find nothing to say about it?”

The last joke came on the first drive. I didn’t want to be excited to see this game, but it’s the Patriots. Those thieving bunch of cheaters dressed up as winners thanks to a tuck rule just boil my blood in unimaginable ways. I tried to not care and just accept that this would be another loss, but when I saw those uniforms and those fair-weather Boston fans in the stands, I wanted to win.

That opening drive looked so good. I even thought, “this is the best opening drive since week 2 against the Jaguars in 2008.” Then the punchline. On 3rd and goal, AVP decides to bring in a rookie lineman (so awful, that he hasn’t made the rotation in the 8 different variations posed by the Bills thus far) to play as an eligible receiver. The Bills were running for 4-6 yards a carry at that point using the 8th wonder of the Bills OL. They were running up the middle no less. What were they thinking on asking a rookie to jump in and be competent?

To be fair to Andre Ramsey, I never saw him move. But when the Patriots point and ask for a penalty, the refs always “just give it to them.” Of course that quote is courtesy of a game where the refs actually said such a thing and gave them the game.

Fine. 3-0. Then on the next drive, the Bills give up yards in bunches to the ground game. Then for no real reason, the Pats start passing. Right to POZ!! Wow, we actually have a chance to build on the lead. That said, they take a penalty, run for 8 yards and then get sacked twice. The stats might not say 3 and out, but that is what it was. And at that point, you knew the entertaining part of the game was over.

Russ Brandon and crew better see what we all see. In a division that is so pathetic, we don’t even hang as equals in the fight. We are dead last.

DVD Extras:

• The Financial Bills – One thing about finance in these difficult times is that some securities get a price for valuation purposes only. Companies that own these securities don’t expect to sell these assets, but they do need a value for accounting purposes. The companies know that if they truly had to sell that security, they wouldn’t get that price at all. Likewise, the Bills have put a 5-11 sticker on their product, but it definitely doesn’t feel like a 5-11 product. This thing feels, smells and tastes like a 2-14 team at best. If you had to look at the underlying stats without the W/L column and final scores, I think most people would conclude this is one of the 3 worst teams in the NFL.
  
• Trent Edwards – 1 for 2 for -1 yards. Again, no longer funny. He also got injured and played poorly in a cold weather game. My questions on him going into the year was can he become reliable in the 10-20 yard range, can he stay healthy and can he perform at the end of the year when the weather turns? He answered everything definitively on Sunday by throwing for -1 yards, getting hurt and not doing well in December. Experiment over.
  
• Third down conversions – 2 for 12. Wow, another knee-slapper. But rest assured we were 2-3 on fourth down conversions!
  
• Josh Reed – Thanks, buddy. In what is becoming the most frequent saying I have during Bills games, “I could make that play”. With no one on you, a catchable pass from Fitz comes your way and you drop it….on fourth down…in the redzone. Is it possible that we have a second round bust on our team?
  
• 11 penalties for 124 yards – Dear Management, are you guys even awake? This isn’t a one time anomaly. This isn’t even the worst of the season. The Bills have had a 13 penalty game and a 12 penalty game. Year to date, the Bills have taken 93 penalties for 848 yards. That is more yards than Marshawn Lynch and Fred Jackson have rushing. Marshawn has 447 yards, and Fred Jackson has 811 yards.
  
• No favors for the NFL – With Randy Moss on the brink of falling apart, the Bills nicely made him feel like the superstar that he always knew he was. Again, the Bills fail to administer the death blow, and now we have to listen to how everything is okay in Bean-town.
  
• Dierdorf – This guy jumps onto the bandwagon of whatever positive play happens. And in one sided affairs, he becomes so annoying. I remember years ago, he nearly passed out because a running back shifted the ball from his left arm to his right arm which was closer to the sidelines. “That’s the sign of a really heads up play” by some running back you’ve never even heard of. On Sunday, he provided us another gem. “That’s the difference between a championship team and a non-championship team.” He was referring to the two yard catch by Kevin Faulk that made it 2nd and 8 as opposed to 2nd and 10. “Oh, really Dierdorf? That’s the sign of a championship team? I wonder where a 1-6 road record ranks in the annals of championship football team stats?” And for the record, yes, I blame his lisp on his moustache. If he just shaved, he’d be lisp free. Book it.
  
• Schobel so close to a jersey buy – Had Schobel landed on Brady’s leg at the 50 yard line making him writhe around in pain, I would have already told you my confirmation number for my Aaron Schobel jersey purchase. Instead, I continue my year long ban from buying Bills related products.
  
• You gotta ask yourself – If the front 7 aren’t good at stopping the run and they aren’t good at getting at the QB, what are they good at? These are the only two things asked from them; stop the run or stop the pass. This is much like conservatives being against healthcare reform to allow you to live and against assisted suicide that prevents you from dying. The options are live or die and stop the run or stop the pass. Pick one!
  
• Bryan Scott to be replace by??? – Assumedly, anyone other than Maybin. I’m calling Maybin a bust only because everyone taken in the first round tends to be a bust for Buffalo. He’s just the first to do so this obviously. Sure, he can get better, blah blah blah, but we’d be kicking historical norms in the teeth. I realize that Fewell and company apparently hate this guy so much that they moved a tiny safety up to LB than move a LB sized DE back. Now that Bryan Scott is gone, the only conceivable thing is that they play Brian Moorman as LB and tell us “He gives us the best chance at winning”
  
• And that brings us to Roscoe Parrish…again – If Fitz is injured and can’t play and Edwards is out, I’m rooting for Parrish as the Emergency QB to play. I can’t envision killing Brohm in the final two games. This means we’ll have to draft QB which still leaves us with a porous line and no answers at LT. I’m guessing Brohm would have similar results as Edwards and Fitzpatrick. I also know that if Brohm steps out as starter, he will be injured in a gruesome manner that will leave us wondering if he’ll be ready for 2010. Therefore, the answer is clear, it’s either Parrish or Wildcat all day.
  
• Roscoe Costanza – Parrish had a decent return near the end of the game. My thought is that he usually starts out hot and cools off. This year he’s doing it in reverse. He’s doing the opposite of what comes naturally to him. Very Costanza like. For clarity, I believe Costanza is taller and heavier than Parrish. Having decoded Parrish’s 2009 sesaon, look for a punt return touchdown against the Colts. Also note that those will be the only 7 points scored by the Bills in that game.

As always, Kevin Shenoy can be contacted at binaural02@hotmail.com. While I may not be able to respond to each email, I certainly appreciate the feedback.