You guys look like you could use a few laughs

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  • Mike13
    Registered User
    • Aug 2005
    • 10565
    #1

    You guys look like you could use a few laughs

    So here you go:

    My favorite parts:

    NO WAY SIXTY DOORS MY GOD HOW CAN ONE MAN LIGHTLY TAP ON THAT MANY DOORS HE MUST BE SOME KIND OF GOD
    Tony:
    1) Our new logo looks like a Chinese knockoff version of the original. Makes the Marlins logo look cool, which I thought was impossible.
    2) We're more famous for locker room discrimination, shenanigans, and roid raged bullies than actual football.
    3) Our head coach looks like he's the general manager of the local bowling alley.
    4) Coaxing Don Shula and Marino out of retirement has actually crossed the minds of fans. As an actual ****ing option.
    Last time I went to Miami, I got blackout drunk, groped my friend's mom, woke up naked on the patio with all my **** covered in gallons of vomit. That gives me less shame than being a Dolphins fan.
    Tags: None
    • 👍 8
  • Buffalogic
    Rumblin' Stumblin' Bumblin'
    • Feb 2006
    • 5346
    #2
    Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

    Thanks buddy. Misery loves company.

    Comment

    • better days
      Registered User
      • Jan 2010
      • 22028
      #3
      Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

      Originally posted by Mike13 View Post
      So here you go:

      My favorite parts:
      That looks more like a whale than a marlin.

      Comment

      • Mike13
        Registered User
        • Aug 2005
        • 10565
        #4
        Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

        Originally posted by better days View Post
        That looks more like a whale than a marlin.
        Some sort of marine animal that isnt a dolphin anyway.
        • 👍 1

        Comment

        • YardRat
          Well, lookie here...
          • Dec 2004
          • 86298
          #5
          Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

          I thought the Bills one was pretty funny.
          YardRat Wall of Fame
          #56 DARRYL TALLEY           #29 DERRICK BURROUGHS#22 FRED JACKSON #95 KYLE WILLIAMS

          Comment

          • ServoBillieves
            The Voice of Reason
            • Jul 2007
            • 6106
            #6
            Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

            I spent $200 on a Daunte Culpepper jersey... so **** me.

            Since Stephen Ross has taken ownership I tell myself every off season that the team can't be any more embarrassing than the previous year, but Ross apparently takes that as a personal challenge and ensures that yes indeed we will be....

            Thanks for the laugh!
            Bye Bye Brady...

            Comment

            • Historian
              2020-2023 AFC East Champions!
              • Dec 2002
              • 61901
              #7
              Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

              They're the Jets without the comedy.

              Comment

              • Fletch
                Registered User
                • May 2007
                • 3166
                #8
                Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                is Joe Philbin even human? Did they piece him together from old corporate retreat binders? This is just what I want from my coach: an awkward late-night interview, right as I'm trying to masturbate before going to sleep. How many of these check-ins ended with Philbin closing the door and the player inside going, "The **** was that about?" I say 100 percent.
                LMAO

                By the way, here's the same guy's thing on us.

                http://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2014-buffalo-bills-1628452314
                http://www.billszone.com/fanzone/sho...s-haters/page3

                Post #46

                Originally posted by Yasgur's Farm
                (Moderator) My name's Max Yasgur, and I approve of this post.
                Originally Posted by pmoon6
                The idea that you "won't settle" presumes that you have some kind of control. Delusional thinking at best for a supposed fan of a spectators' sport. Your way to deal with it is to constantly ***** and denigrate any move, any result concerning the team even if it's positive because you don't want your whittle feewings hurt again. It's a protection mechanism.

                You shroud your childish approach in a vale of pompous, intellectual garbage in an attempt to look smart and "real". You over-analyze even minute points and manipulate statistics to fit your negative view of the team. Again, to feel good about yourself and to protect from getting hurt.

                Of course, the criticisms are obviously from someone who has no understanding of the team concept or what it takes to excel at athletics.

                The true "realist" understands that they have no control of what happens on the field or behind the closed doors at One Bills' Drive, so they do the prudent thing for a spectator. They enjoy the games on Sunday with family and friends, cheer for their team and realize that it's just entertainment.
                ------

                "I was an integral part in the drafting process of EJ Manuel," Whaley said Thursday on NFL Network's Total Access. "I was the person that handled the draft process and setting up the board."

                "We are committed. I want you to believe me when I say that," Whaley said of building around the second-year quarterback, per The Buffalo News. "I always tell you guys that I'll never say never because I don't want to paint myself in a corner, but when I do say something, I do it and I mean it and I try to fulfill it."

                "We believe the addition of Sammy is going to be instant impact, not only to our quarterback, but to what our offensive coordinator can come up with game-plan wise and how defenses attack us," Whaley said.

                Whaley on EJ Manuel: "We think we got a gem in this guy." (2:30)

                "And as Mark says, if in three years maybe he's not [our quarterback of the future], then I'll be sitting there saying 'hey guys', .... anybody got a job for me?" - Doug Whaley

                Comment

                • Fletch
                  Registered User
                  • May 2007
                  • 3166
                  #9
                  Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                  Your coach: Doug Marrone, who has cancer! No wait, that was a typo. Marrone isn't happy with the Bills current backup-quarterback situation. If only there were a long stretch of time in which no football is played, and you could sign AGENTS who are FREE to sign with other teams, in order for you to secure a decent backup. An OFFseason. Yes, that's it! That sure would come in handy! Marrone also got pissy with Sammy Watkins for talking candidly about his injuries. Congratulations, Buffalo. You get all the paranoia of Sean Payton with none of the playcalling acumen.
                  That's funny!
                  http://www.billszone.com/fanzone/sho...s-haters/page3

                  Post #46

                  Originally posted by Yasgur's Farm
                  (Moderator) My name's Max Yasgur, and I approve of this post.
                  Originally Posted by pmoon6
                  The idea that you "won't settle" presumes that you have some kind of control. Delusional thinking at best for a supposed fan of a spectators' sport. Your way to deal with it is to constantly ***** and denigrate any move, any result concerning the team even if it's positive because you don't want your whittle feewings hurt again. It's a protection mechanism.

                  You shroud your childish approach in a vale of pompous, intellectual garbage in an attempt to look smart and "real". You over-analyze even minute points and manipulate statistics to fit your negative view of the team. Again, to feel good about yourself and to protect from getting hurt.

                  Of course, the criticisms are obviously from someone who has no understanding of the team concept or what it takes to excel at athletics.

                  The true "realist" understands that they have no control of what happens on the field or behind the closed doors at One Bills' Drive, so they do the prudent thing for a spectator. They enjoy the games on Sunday with family and friends, cheer for their team and realize that it's just entertainment.
                  ------

                  "I was an integral part in the drafting process of EJ Manuel," Whaley said Thursday on NFL Network's Total Access. "I was the person that handled the draft process and setting up the board."

                  "We are committed. I want you to believe me when I say that," Whaley said of building around the second-year quarterback, per The Buffalo News. "I always tell you guys that I'll never say never because I don't want to paint myself in a corner, but when I do say something, I do it and I mean it and I try to fulfill it."

                  "We believe the addition of Sammy is going to be instant impact, not only to our quarterback, but to what our offensive coordinator can come up with game-plan wise and how defenses attack us," Whaley said.

                  Whaley on EJ Manuel: "We think we got a gem in this guy." (2:30)

                  "And as Mark says, if in three years maybe he's not [our quarterback of the future], then I'll be sitting there saying 'hey guys', .... anybody got a job for me?" - Doug Whaley

                  Comment

                  • stuckincincy
                    Buffalo Bills Fan
                    • Sep 2003
                    • 15084
                    #10
                    Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                    Originally posted by YardRat View Post
                    I thought the Bills one was pretty funny.
                    VERY funny.
                    Fiat justitia ruat caelum. Noli timere. Laus Deo.

                    Comment

                    • Fletch
                      Registered User
                      • May 2007
                      • 3166
                      #11
                      Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                      I'm reading it now, some parts are hysterical.
                      The Bills also traded their first-rounder next season (oof, outsmarted by Cleveland) to move up in the draft and pick Sammy Watkins. They have publicly stated they would have picked Watkins No. 1 overall, because apparently the Bills are the only franchise that hasn't learned about building a roster from the middle and then out. It's one thing to mortgage your future when you're the Falcons, and you want Julio Jones around to help out Matt Ryan. But the Bills don't have Matt Ryan. They have the black Jake Locker. They can't even keep Watkins healthy, and the season hasn't started yet. Everyone is fighting. What is this team doing? Is there any plan at all? Will any fan be sober enough to notice? (No.)
                      http://www.billszone.com/fanzone/sho...s-haters/page3

                      Post #46

                      Originally posted by Yasgur's Farm
                      (Moderator) My name's Max Yasgur, and I approve of this post.
                      Originally Posted by pmoon6
                      The idea that you "won't settle" presumes that you have some kind of control. Delusional thinking at best for a supposed fan of a spectators' sport. Your way to deal with it is to constantly ***** and denigrate any move, any result concerning the team even if it's positive because you don't want your whittle feewings hurt again. It's a protection mechanism.

                      You shroud your childish approach in a vale of pompous, intellectual garbage in an attempt to look smart and "real". You over-analyze even minute points and manipulate statistics to fit your negative view of the team. Again, to feel good about yourself and to protect from getting hurt.

                      Of course, the criticisms are obviously from someone who has no understanding of the team concept or what it takes to excel at athletics.

                      The true "realist" understands that they have no control of what happens on the field or behind the closed doors at One Bills' Drive, so they do the prudent thing for a spectator. They enjoy the games on Sunday with family and friends, cheer for their team and realize that it's just entertainment.
                      ------

                      "I was an integral part in the drafting process of EJ Manuel," Whaley said Thursday on NFL Network's Total Access. "I was the person that handled the draft process and setting up the board."

                      "We are committed. I want you to believe me when I say that," Whaley said of building around the second-year quarterback, per The Buffalo News. "I always tell you guys that I'll never say never because I don't want to paint myself in a corner, but when I do say something, I do it and I mean it and I try to fulfill it."

                      "We believe the addition of Sammy is going to be instant impact, not only to our quarterback, but to what our offensive coordinator can come up with game-plan wise and how defenses attack us," Whaley said.

                      Whaley on EJ Manuel: "We think we got a gem in this guy." (2:30)

                      "And as Mark says, if in three years maybe he's not [our quarterback of the future], then I'll be sitting there saying 'hey guys', .... anybody got a job for me?" - Doug Whaley

                      Comment

                      • Fletch
                        Registered User
                        • May 2007
                        • 3166
                        #12
                        Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                        What has always sucked: This is the outlet-store NFL team. Everything on display is discounted and/or blemished. Here's a used Brandon Spikes! And a Mike Williams refurb! Would you like the floor model of Mario Williams? We can give you that! You'll get used to owning a quarterback born without legs! THESE ARE ALL GREAT VALUES.
                        A quarterback born without legs. LMAO
                        This was a team left to rot as Wilson grew older, and you can see it in both the roster and the fanbase. I can barely tell the difference between a Bills tailgate and a 1970s Manchester coal-plant union protest. There is decay and unhappiness pretty much everywhere you look. The team even issued instructions for cheerleader vagina maintenance, because I guess that's a genuine health issue in the Buffalo area. Sammy Watkins may crack 50 ribs this season, but the Bills will be damned if they let any vaginas smell up the joint.
                        I'm dying from laughter.
                        http://www.billszone.com/fanzone/sho...s-haters/page3

                        Post #46

                        Originally posted by Yasgur's Farm
                        (Moderator) My name's Max Yasgur, and I approve of this post.
                        Originally Posted by pmoon6
                        The idea that you "won't settle" presumes that you have some kind of control. Delusional thinking at best for a supposed fan of a spectators' sport. Your way to deal with it is to constantly ***** and denigrate any move, any result concerning the team even if it's positive because you don't want your whittle feewings hurt again. It's a protection mechanism.

                        You shroud your childish approach in a vale of pompous, intellectual garbage in an attempt to look smart and "real". You over-analyze even minute points and manipulate statistics to fit your negative view of the team. Again, to feel good about yourself and to protect from getting hurt.

                        Of course, the criticisms are obviously from someone who has no understanding of the team concept or what it takes to excel at athletics.

                        The true "realist" understands that they have no control of what happens on the field or behind the closed doors at One Bills' Drive, so they do the prudent thing for a spectator. They enjoy the games on Sunday with family and friends, cheer for their team and realize that it's just entertainment.
                        ------

                        "I was an integral part in the drafting process of EJ Manuel," Whaley said Thursday on NFL Network's Total Access. "I was the person that handled the draft process and setting up the board."

                        "We are committed. I want you to believe me when I say that," Whaley said of building around the second-year quarterback, per The Buffalo News. "I always tell you guys that I'll never say never because I don't want to paint myself in a corner, but when I do say something, I do it and I mean it and I try to fulfill it."

                        "We believe the addition of Sammy is going to be instant impact, not only to our quarterback, but to what our offensive coordinator can come up with game-plan wise and how defenses attack us," Whaley said.

                        Whaley on EJ Manuel: "We think we got a gem in this guy." (2:30)

                        "And as Mark says, if in three years maybe he's not [our quarterback of the future], then I'll be sitting there saying 'hey guys', .... anybody got a job for me?" - Doug Whaley

                        Comment

                        • Historian
                          2020-2023 AFC East Champions!
                          • Dec 2002
                          • 61901
                          #13
                          Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                          The beef on Weck I bought at the Ralph gave me terrible watery diarrhea
                          Hey...at least the Bills fixed that this season!
                          • 👍 1

                          Comment

                          • Mike13
                            Registered User
                            • Aug 2005
                            • 10565
                            #14
                            Re: You guys look like you could use a few laughs

                            Originally posted by ServoBillieves View Post
                            I spent $200 on a Daunte Culpepper jersey... so **** me.

                            Since Stephen Ross has taken ownership I tell myself every off season that the team can't be any more embarrassing than the previous year, but Ross apparently takes that as a personal challenge and ensures that yes indeed we will be....

                            Thanks for the laugh!
                            I bought an authentic Brandon Marshall jersey and he was nice enough to sign it.
                            Probably would have netted me a nice chunk of change had I sold it immediately.
                            Now I cant get rid of the thing.

                            Comment

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