Why was this one so late? I am used to this showing up right after the game. This is already into my next game prep, Shenoy. What gives?
Unless you liked reading a series a expletives followed by an unintelligible string of letters (mostly from slapping the keyboard out of anger), Monday’s article would have left you wanting.
I don’t even think I’ve really calmed down. I actually thought the Bills looked like a terrible team early. After two missed field goals, the offense still struggled mostly because Fitz has no accuracy whatsoever. It wasn’t until the Defense got two turnovers within 30 yards of the endzone that the offense clicked.
Like a complete jackass, I just decided to jump on the excitement bandwagon and forget that the Bills offense really only had 3 plays that generated the 21 points. I was jumping up and down in the stands. I was within 30 feet of a guy dressed like Macho Man Randy Savage, but had a “Macho Chan” jacket. Everything was good.
But everything wasn’t good. Everything was typical Bills football. Forget those three plays, and the Bills did nothing on offense but turn the ball over and give our new punter a preview to what the next ten years of his life will be like. We showed no identity, no ability to push the point of attack, andno desire to inflict your will on another team. These are the reasons there are NO playoffs for 13 years.
Have you ever seen “Children of Men”? It’s a movie about how human kind can no longer have children. The movie starts 18 years into this epidemic where the last person born has just died. Then there is notice that there is a woman who is pregnant! The joy. People are determined to help her conceive in an otherwise harsh world.
I assume if “Children of Men” was a real situation, the underlying emotions of the epidemic would mirror our plight as Bills fans. The first couple years of not having kids would be shocking. “Todd, I can’t believe no one in the world is pregnant.” “Dude, it’s been three years. It’s abnormal, for sure, but it’s going to be fine. It will all work out, have some faith.”
Then by year 8, I would guess the panic would set it. Half the people would be freaked out; the other half sure that something will work out. It’s just uncharted territory so the emotions are so raw. The medical world would be searching for answers, but the rest of us would be debating on barstools and at water coolers. “You think we’ll have kids again?!” “They’ll figure something out. It’s absurd it’s gone this long. The odds are with us.” “With us? You’d think they’d have solved something in 8 years. These idiots don’t even know where babies come from!”
By year 11, the majority of people just live with it. “Is anyone pregnant?” “Nope” “Ok, want papa johns?”
We are here in year 13. It’s the bleak period. From the talk radio I heard on the ride home, no one sees playoffs. There doesn’t really seem to be a playoff baby in sight.
Someone can correct me if I am wrong, but in my 34 years of life, I don’t recall any teams allowing 50+ points…at home…against a division rival…who lost 2 games in a row…without key linemen and TE, and then rallying to go to the playoffs. Never. I hasn’t been done and it won’t be done. The only thing done are the 2012 Bills
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We weren’t supposed to have guys who simply didn’t care. We weren’t supposed to have guys who could be gashed with 3 techmo bowl plays over and over again and just fold and shrug. The reality has set in for me.
It has gotten so repetitive in the beatdowns now, that it’s hard to care. This one stung because each of my jackass Boston friends had some comment for me. These are the same people who never watched a down of football in the 90’s. These are the people who when you cite that fact will fight you tooth and nail about how they did love the team (“I liked them with the old Jerseys…you mean the ones from 1995? Those old Jerseys?). I hate them. And even when I’ve settled down, I still hate them.
This is like watching your uncle Cletus win the lottery and talk to you about fiscal responsibility? It’s money you never EARNED, Cletus! I’ve earned the right to have my team cheat to win some superbowls. I’ve earned the right to have a crappy 6th round pick eventually end up ok and treated with kids gloves by the refs. I’ve sat in the coldest weather imaginable for 3 hours for a moment that undeserving people are somehow are getting. And then they spit it on my face.
And, let’s just be honest, the town of Boston is Cheektowaga repeated over and over again. But instead of filled with Buffalonians (a.k.a decent and good people), it’s filled with Bostonains. It’s not even a stereotype to say all Boston people are a bunch of drunk, miserable people. It’s truth.
DVD Extras:
Cousin Neil – My cousin, Neil, is studying in Italy for his PhD. The kid is watching these games live…in Italy. He’s texting me internationally. “Cousin, don’t give up. Have faith. Have faith with me.” To which I wanted to respond, “Neil, you’ve done more by being awake than what this team has done this entire game. You were the player of the game.”
Welcome to Buffalo, Stephan – Stephan Gilmore, a first round pick since 2000, hadn’t had his “welcome to Buffalo, you won’t amount to anything” moment prior to this game. Sure he got torched in game 1, but he looked great in game2 and 3. At the start of the 3rd quarter, the Patriots ran a play where they throw to the endzone to Gronkowski. The Bills were only up one score. It was third down. They had just fumbled to end the half. Gilmore decks Gronks (who up to that point was the player of the game for Buffalo) and jars the ball loose. I think to myself, nice to see a first rounder do something not Buffalo-like. Then in the fourth quarter when the game is still close, he makes a great read on the ball in the endzone, it’s in his hands and then he drops it. HE DROPS IT. Make the INT and it reverses the momentum. It gives us a chance. But when we needed someone the most, no one was there to solve the problem. He popped his Buffalo Chery. Welcome to Buffalo, Stephan. You are one of us now. It reminds me a lot of Whitner’s first game when he picked off Brady in his first game. And then a phantom call reverses the interception, and Whitner becomes the most useless Safety on the Bills. So much fun stuff to look forward to.
Fitzpatience – My fitz patience is running out. I actually thought 90% of the game was well called by Chan. With the ball at their own run, he calls a play action where TJ graham is wide open. Like, not even NFL wide open because rarely do you see a guy have 3 or 4 steps on the DB. But like playing on your younger brother’s team wide open. Fitz under throws it. Would a 99 yard touchdown cause some panic to another team? There were an array of other poor passes on 3rd downs that killed drives. Fitz needs to go. He’s the new Jauron. Nice guy, but can’t cut it.
T Jax – Play him now. And it’s not because I think he’s the answer. I know there is no answer at QB on this roster. You know there is no answer at QB on this roster. The point is, we know what the Bills will do. They will play Fitz until the bitter end. More 7 INTs in two games Fitz will appear. It will be even more obvious than it is right now that he lost his confidence. The Bills will not play T Jax. Then in Week 14, T Jax will come out and have an all-star day by Modern Era Bills QB standards. Or in otherwise, he will look remotely like a pro. The Bills will then not draft another QB in the first round. The front office will trot out, “Hey T JAX looked good! There is a reason we traded for him!” And then 2013 will be another lost year as T Jax replicates the exact same issues that are present with Fitz. Still no playoff baby. And not to sound like a cliché’d married woman, but “I WANT A BABY!” So let’s do us all a favor and show us all the QB’s we have on the roster and get it out there. Let’s prove what we all know. The 3 QB’s and the Wildcat QB we have aren’t starting quarterbacks. And then let’s go into the draft and pick a QB at every slot in the 2013 draft. “That is absurd”. Is it? We’ve been doing this diversification draft and cutting people in the year they were drafted!!! It isn’t working. So let’s take our talentless scouts, pick a position and just get it right based on the law of averages. This is the position we need. I think that defense can play better. I don’t think this offense can do anything with Fitz.
NFL genius – So I was going to buy a new jersey on Saturday. I googled, “NFL SHOP PROMO Code” and found a 10% off coupon. All you have to do is go to the NFL site, enter your email, say what your favorite team is and they’ll email you the coupon. Easy-peasy. Afterall the Bills were 2-1, I was feeling the excitement of putting the Patriots out of the playoff picture and proving to Boston fans that they suck as football fans. Then I waited for the email. And it never came. Being a cheap bastard, I decided, “’I’m not buying a mesh jersey without 10% off”. Then it dawned on me, the NFL probably knows people buy more stuff when their team wins. They probably send the coupon when the team loses. After the Pats game, Monday morning at 7:15 am, I received my coupon. After the way that game, they should have just sent me the jersey instead.
Three Plays – Like I said before, the Bills offense is in worse shape than I think a lot of people give it credit for. The Bills scored on 3 all or nothing type pass plays. And what was stunning is that Chandler didn’t get hurt earlier on the passes Fitz was throwing. These balls and several others afterwards just put him in danger’s way. You take away the 4 touchdown passes, and where exactly did the yards come from?
Music man – listen up, when you are playing contemporary hits on the jumbotron, nothing works. When they went back to “jump around” and Bobby Brown’s, “my prerogative” The Bills are up 21-7. Then they go back to current stuff and we lose 52-28. Stay with what works.
False Start on the center for every single play of the game – Nice to have the real refs back. The Patriots center only bobbed his head every single snap. And it wasn’t like he might of ate something wrong at breakfast and was swallowing a burp head nod. It was a full on up and down, rock out to the music head bob. Not a single flag. And then there were numerous holding penalties where the Bills linemen came off the field with their jersey’s completely tugged off. We’ll ignore the fact Brady didn’t make it to the endzone because the Bills were allowing 6 yards a play at that point and would have let a TD the next play, but at least get it right!
Final two minutes of the first half– Never mind that you shouldn’t give the ball to the guy with the injured shoulder at the 1 yard line. Chan has these moments where he is hell bent to throw no matter what. The Bills got the ball with 2:15 at the 30. They throw, throw, and throw to get to the 2 minute warning. Again, 3 plays to run 15 seconds? You simply run the ball 3 times in a row, and you get to 1:00. The first two were incomplete (naturally to open receivers but poorly thrown balls). Now had they run on first down, they get to the two minute warning. Now on second down you might get a play action pass for the TD. You also might just run the ball and get the clock down to 1:30. It’s crazy play calling at strange times that sends the message that we have no confidence. After smoking the patriots to two straight touchdowns, why wouldn’t you just impose your will on a team that has to be confused and deflated. Run the clock. Stick it in their face.
The optimists – I am not one of them. In fact, half the texts that I got from my Bills friends were like, “This is awful. I can’t watch next week. What are you going to write.” And for a brief moment I thought about doing a “Family Ties” Clip show kind of thing. “Hey we just had Baby Brian. He doesn’t remember anything about season3, let’s tell him!” I wanted to just cull angry comments from any one of the 21 losses out of the last 26 games against the pats and see if I could make a coherent article. Refs suck, Brady is such a whiny jerk, patriot fans suck, and the Bills have no QB. That seems to be everything in the past 13 years. But to be honest, I just don’t see how I can survive this San Fran game. I was almost thinking of betting money on this just to help the team out. Go big on San Fran. But we all know the San Fran game is going to be a disaster. We let the Jets put up 48 against us. The 49ers shut out the Jets. They scored 34 vs the Jets. So by my calculations and projections, the 49ers win 81-0. After that I can’t do it again. The thought of the Bills being in Arizona brings back bad memories. I went to Arizona when Trent Edwards was knocked out forever. I watched that game with a talentless hack I like to refer to as my nemesis. The Bills allowed 41 points. I’m pretty sure they’ll give up another 50.
Kevin Shenoy can be reached at onefansview@gmail.com. You can follow him at @kevinshenoy on twitter.
